THINGS THAT SOUND BETTER THAN ANSWERING YOUR PHONE CALLS AT 1AM.

Sucking dollar bills until the ink is all gone.
Licking the lint filter in the dryer machine.
Getting a urinary tract infection.
Naming my child “Beyonce”, “Ashanti”, or “NickiMinajNickiLewinskyNickiTheNinjaNickiTheHarajukuBarbie”.
Combing my hair when it’s humid outside.
Flipping through sheets of paper really fast using the side of my fingers.
Being Coolio’s wifey.
Going out and making Brandy be designated driver.
Being in it for the love of Ray J.
Answering your call at 1am and hanging up.
Making Snooki answer and tell you what happened to me.
Writing this blog knowing that you’ll never see it and calling you back acting like I’m asleep so you say “Oh, I’ll let you go then” and then getting back to my bullshitting.